After the petrol price hike was announced by the government, Kalu Ram (name changed without request) was the only aam-aadmi to celebrate this news in the country. According to a report by our correspondent in Jhumritalaiyya, Kalu celebrated this moment of revelation by bursting left-over Diwali crackers, which refused to burst and distributing pedhas from his modest 2-room hut in the village.
Our correspondent further added that initially, the fellow villagers thought that Kalu was suffering from some mental disorder that was earlier discovered in the ‘in’famous politician Duresh Kalzadi. But subsequent reports led to a surprising discovery of sorts. Kalu, who was supposedly inspired by the book ‘Bring out the petrol in you’, had started collecting petrol in bottles, before the buying-petrol-in-a-bottle ban was created.
“Before the ban was put into force, I had already collected 1,23,487 bottles. My neighbours thought that I was insane as I don’t own any vehicles. But now they know that this ‘investment’ is going to turn me into a millionaire,” says Kalu who will be buying the all new Mercedes CLS class in the silver colour. He adds that as the petrol rates have grown twice in four months, there is a fair chance of each of his 1-litre capacity bottles getting Rs 250 in the future.
Kalu had bought his first bottle of petrol back in 1960, when he was a teenager. “I bought the bottle for Rs5 at that time. My friends mocked me as I didn’t buy desi liquor but instead videsi fuel,” says a sentimental Kalu.
Kalu had no idea that his rather weird hobby will make him a multi-millionaire. “I have already started looking up on real estate sites and am planning to buy a mansion in Dubai which is cheaper than a 500-sq-ft flat in Cuffe Parade,” says Kalu Ram clad in a tainted dhoti and banyan.
Reports have come in that Kalu has started getting inquiries from the underworld, as selling them publicly will lead to Kalu’s arrest. “A well-known don, Chhota Chhatri has approached me and guaranteed to take care of the ‘legalities’ if I pay him a khoka,” says Kalu.
(Seen in the picture is Kalu in his 'hay' days)
(This blogpost is inspired by Faking News)